I’ve got a good excuse for why the email’s late this time.

Maz said I couldn’t send it out yesterday because we were migrating servers, or something, and our emails weren’t working. I won’t pretend to understand what’s happening; I am lucky enough to exist in a cosseted bubble that consists of thinking about dice and painstakingly writing a single page of rules per month. The many digital cogs and binaric springs that underpin this email and indeed the world as we know it are foreign and strange to me, and long may they stay that way.

Anyway. Scant news this month. Let’s crack on:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOAT GIRL

Great news: YOU ARE A GOAT GIRL AND IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Just kidding: you’re a person and odds are it isn’t. But you can pretend to be a goat girl, and you can pretend to be caught in the perpetual state of birthday in which they exist, thanks to this month’s one-page game.

There is a success/failure mechanic, because of course there is, but because it’s your birthday you can just decide to succeed whenever you like. But that draws the attention of the authorities, all the way up to the army, paladins, the king, angels, God etc. But there’s nothing they can really do to you because you can just decide to succeed whenever you like because it is your birthday.

ONE HUNDRED ONE PAGE GAME JAM

I’ve written one hundred one page games.

Well: I’ve written more than a hundred games. Most of them are one page long. Several of the one page games are, in fact, two or more pages long. But the important thing is that I’ve done a hundred and I get to stop now.

(I won’t. I already have an idea for October’s game. I’m not sure if I can stop.)

TO CELEBRATE and perhaps commemorate this occasion, I have arranged a game jam. It is a kitbash sort of thing; you roll D100 twice and use that to generate two random games, and then jam them together however you wish. There are prizes, too: the finest loose notes and early drafts I can find in the various boxes marked “GRANT’S SURPLUS BRAINSPACE,” signed and delivered to you.

Sound like a laugh? The jam runs until the end of October.

BERE TUTTO IL SANGUE DI HITLER

Awards: we love ‘em. We’re nominated for two Italian ones, namely “Best Roleplaying Game” for the Italian translations of DIE and Eat the Reich. There’s also Dungeon Dice, Triangle Agency, and Wilderfeast, so it’s stiff competition even if we’re stacking the deck in our favour.

As far as I’m aware, there’s no popular vote mechanism in these awards: but don’t let that stop you from calling in and demanding that we’re given the prize. You’re smart. I’m sure you can find a phone number. Brush up on your Italian. Make it happen.

I believe in you.

GOSH, IT’S ROYAL BLOOD

We’ve got the samples through for Royal Blood - the Magnificent Box, to be precise - and gosh but it’s pretty. Look at the silver edging on those cards! You could shave in those! Or with those.

I’m told there’s still time to pre-order a set, so if you’re game, here’s where to click to make that happen.

MAZ IS IN GERMANY FOR A BIT

Look! There they are. Second beer from the left.

Maz is undertaking a GRAND EUROPEAN TOUR. Well. They’re doing Frankfurt Book Fair and Essen Spiel, so if you’d like to make an appointment to talk shop with one half of what I’m calling “Tabletop Gaming’s Most Dangerous Power Couple,” drop us an an email (admin@rrdgames.com) and we’ll sort out a time and a place.

That’s it for this month. (Told you news was thin on the ground.)

Stay beautiful and give ‘em hell.

• Grant “Goat Hustler” Howitt