Goats! Crimes! Lies! It's all here, and it's definitely still January
It's the January email!
(Look: you know it’s February. We know it’s February. It’s definitely February. Except: we missed sending the January email, so we’re going to pretend. Okay? Okay. Let’s just keep this between us.)
GOAT CRASHERS.
It started with a pun, and here we are. Grant wrote another game about animal crimes - this time the animal is cheeky little goats and the crime is trespassing on someone’s property during a party. It uses a modified version of the HAVOC BRIGADE rules, so you know it’s good. Download GOAT CRASHERS here.
ANIMAL CRIME GAME JAM.
Nothing to do with us, but - inspired by Honey Heist, the Felonious Fauna game jam challenges you (or anyone, really) to make a game about an animal doing cool crimes. If you’ve ever thought “wow, Grant’s job is really easy, all he does it combine a crime and an animal,” then: you’re entirely correct, and now you have an excuse to do it for yourself. You can enter from any time right now up until the 15th of February.
Take a look at Felonious Fauna here.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
You know? There’s nothing to write about. It’s January! You’ve got Christmas, and then New Year. Takes you a week to get going again after all that, and then - believe it or not - we moved house. And by “we” I mean all of us, to different places. Half of us are in a new flat in London and the other half are in Sheffield. (Chris, here, counts as fully half of the three-person company, because he is Very Tall.)
We’ve spent the last two weeks faffing around with the manuscript for Strata, writing the last of the Kickstarter-backer submitted content, going over the art, etc. It’s all useful but it’s not newsworthy, you know?
LIES.
Here, then, are some lies - these events did not happen, but if they had, they’d certainly be worth writing about!
Grant, after a three-day binge of amphetamines and raw meat, emerged fierce and entirely nude from his office proclaiming to have invented the D31, and has written a system around it. The system is called [DisParity] and - he claims, wide-eyed, spittle flecking his lips - will reshape the face of the tabletop games industry into “something beautiful, fecund and obscene.” [DisParity] will have a limited print run of seven copies, and each game comes enclosed in a special jet-black carbon-fibre 3D-printed full-size coffin.
Chris has grown another three, maybe four feet tall, truly cementing his position as the World’s Tallest Games Designer. He says he managed to grow the extra feet by “concentrating very hard.” He is planning to consume runner-up James Wallis, another very tall games designer, to gain his power; Wallis is canny and spry, and was last seen leaping from tree-top to tree-top, keening like a proud elk and urinating to mark his territory.
Maz has become uploaded to the internet, turning into pure data like they do on The Matrix and has spent the last few days hovering around old forums, eating inactive user accounts for sustenance. When asked for comment, Maz emitted a modem-like screech and made all of the optical drives in the house open and shut as if of their own accord.
NO MORE LIES.
Right, that’s enough. Love you. Be safe. See you next month.
Grant, Chris and Maz